So, my love of Chipotle has been well-documented on this blog. I also feel that I have properly illustrated my appreciation for bacon. Frankly, if I wouldn’t end up a disgusting rolly-polly of a human being, I would eat very little else.
Unfortunately, man cannot live on Chipotle and bacon alone. Particularly not with a big beard. Oliver is particularly inconvenient for burrito consumption. Anything that is bigger than my mouth creates bite-size problems. Namely that I get a sizeable bite of moustache hair with every delicious morsel.
Despite this hazard, I will continue to eat things of any size I choose. But my real cause here is to mention a third spoke in the trinity of Evan’s diet.
OATMEAL CREAM PIES!!!!
I once drove from Cincinnati to Denver with my sister surviving on NOTHING but Oatmeal Cream Pies and Mt. Dew. While I have grown past my misguided love of the Dew, Oatmeal Cream Pies are eternal.
Plus, they have oatmeal. So they aren’t just good, they are good for you. Additionally they promote healthy facial hair growth. Wilford Brimley was the Quaker Oats guy for years, and he had a delightful moustache. And was physically fit. And he lived on a boat and had tons of fun in the movie Cocoon. Conclusion? Anything with oatmeal in it HAS to be awesome. Except a plain old bowl of oatmeal. That’s pretty bland and sucky.
Secondary conclusion… I like Oatmeal Cream Pies. Haven’t had one in a while? Do yourself a favor and buy one at your neighborhood convenience store. They are probably located near the Moon Pies (also delicious) and the Zingers or Ho-Hos. So, you know, the health food section.