Cats…Only Marginally better than Geese


So I’ve pretty well gone on record about the fact that I hate geese.  I don’t need to re-live that, do I?  We all get it.  Oliver and I are particularly opposed to those flying death-traps.  But, don’t believe that we limit our animal hatred to geese. 

Cats.  Cats suck pretty bad.  Where to begin?  They can’t poop properly.  Poop should be a solid.  Seriously.  They shed more than Oliver does, and that is saying something.  Cats smell bad.  Like rotting milk.  They contributed to a spectacularly annoying musical.  I have no interest in watching cat-people sing. 

Cats have one redeeming feature.   They did provide the inspiration for ThunderCats… HOOOOOOOO!  And if you are a child of the 80’s and you didn’t enjoy ThunderCats, then I don’t want to know you.  But all of the good that ThunderCats did for cats as a whole, my next complaint ends:

When cats look at me, I can see inside their brain, and they are all thinking the same thing… “If I were bigger, I would eat you.”  Not only are they thinking that, but they are PISSED that they can’t eat me.  Like, they really wish that I would fall into a coma or something so that they could take a whack at me.  Cats are predators and only partially domesticated.  They want me for dinner, or a lite snack.  I could accept their mutant defecations, I could live with Andrew Lloyd Weber, and I could look past all the excess hair that becomes detached for no reason.  But wanting to eat me is a deal-breaker for me.

Cute and Cuddly...or potential killer?

They have facial hair, so I don’t try to fight them.  But I will not go so far as to like a cat.  We can peaceably co-exist, so long as they adhere to my “Don’t try to eat me” rules.  But I will harbor a distrust and distaste in my heart until the day either all the cats are dead, or my face has been eaten off.



1 Comment

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One response to “Cats…Only Marginally better than Geese

  1. nicole metz

    best post yet. and, i agree 100%. cats are bad news.

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