I’ve often thought of joining the armed forces. I have several varied reasons for this desire. I will share them now in delightful list form:
1. I look really good in green
2. It might be nice to do something for the country that allows me to be so blatantly odd without much persecution.
3. I’ve often thought that it would be cool to develop a blind obedience to authority. It would limit my bad decision-making by eliminating my ability to make my own decisions.
4. I’m a big admirer of Captain Crunch.
Frankly the list goes on. The contributions of the armed forces to this fine nation and the world are nearly limitless. I would love it if I had the intestinal and testicular fortitude to be a member of that noble fraternity.
But I don’t. And I think to anyone who has been following my blog, the reason why would be clear. THEY HAVE A RIDICULOUS PROHIBITION AGAINST HAIR, FACIAL OR OTHERWISE.
This was not always the case. I’ve watched Civil War movies. Grant, Lee, Stonewall, Sherman, Custer… these guys ALL had facial hair. And they were the tip of the iceberg. So far as I can tell, until the first World War, everybody in the military was rocking some serious facial coiffure. That’s a world I would want to live in. If they had blogs. And convenient access to delicious burritos.
**for the record, I truly do value and appreciate the military. anyone who took this as a serious attempt to undermine the value of our armed forces needs to settle down. Eat a burrito.