So I’m watching the Australian Open tennis tournament, because, as I think I’ve mentioned, I love sports. And tennis is a sport that I played throughout highschool. And it’s on. So…
It’s a Roger Federer match, and I have a little bitof a man crush on Roger Federer. H’e just so freaking smooth out there on the court. It feels like he ought to be making a cocktail in one hand while swinging a racket with the other hand. But he doesn’t do that, so far as I’ve seen, anyway. Plus, he’s just really great. And it’s fun to root for greatness.
There is one serious problem with Roger Federerererer. He is clean-shaven. And not only is he clean-shaven, he probably has a financial stake in REMAINING clean-shaven. He is a spokesman for either Gillette. A company which blithely shows him shaving in their commercials. I find it disgusting. Watching a man, a man I respect, shave on TV is like stabbing me in the soul with a needle dripped in evil.
Back in the day the great tennis players wore beards. In a time when men were men and women were frizzy. Bjorn Borg once ruled the courts with a ridiculous forehand and a mighty beard. It wasn’t long, ususally, but it was present. He carried his talent with him like Samson. When he walked onto a court with a beard, his opponents knew that they were in some serious trouble. And then they wet themselves. On the court, in front of cameras and spectators and everything. It was embarassing.
Boris Becker also freque
ntly sported a red beard. Johnny McEnroe tried to emulate his foe with a beard, but it never really stacked up. And who can forget this all-time great tennis player?
I look forward to the spring when I can get back out onto the courts. By then my beard ought to be long enough to offer a sweet billowing action when I rear back for my forehand. Awesome.
But until that glorious day, I say, go Federer. But, ya know, a little beardage never hurt anyone.