Ultra Tuf? Ultra Awesome!

I’m a pretty excitable person.  I get pumped up about things pretty easily.  To demonstrate that point, I will now be surprisingly enthusiastic about trash bags.  Don’t believe me?  Here is visual evidence:

YEAH ULTRA TUF!

The box of trash bags I am holding in the picture above was bar none the greatest purchase I have ever made.  The day after I moved into my current apartment (a year and a half ago) my roommate and I purchased this box for  $4.99.  Eighteen months later, we still aren’t out of them.

It’s not that we generate so little trash, it’s that this box appears to be magical. I am CERTAIN that I have taken out the trash at least two hundred and twenty times since we bought these wizard bags, and yet, every time I go to get a new trash bag, there are more in the bag.  It’s amazing.  I think they may be regenerating, or possibly breeding, under our kitchen sink.

Plus, they are just good trash bags!  The name says it all… they are Ultra Tuf.  (is it just me, or does spelling the word “tough” T-U-F make it seem even MORE tough?)  We haven’t had any spills or leaks despite constantly disposing of broken glass and various ninja weaponry.  They lock out smell.  AND they have a handy yellow drawstring that makes disposal a snap.

Here is a woman who agrees with me (despite getting a raw deal and NO yellow drawstrings) ::

http://www.expotv.com/ultra-tuf-garbage-bags/2a-vbd

Plus, how can you not trust a sweet lady from Iowa?

Also, I have a beard.  As a man with a beard, I have a responsibility to uphold the TUFness of beards everywhere.  What would it say about me and my bearded bretheren if I used a bag that wasn’t tuf?  Or was just plain tuf?  No, to display the awesome dignified power of beard-growers, I needed to be ULTRA TUF.  Like my magical trashbags.  They get the  “OFFICIAL YEARD STAMP OF APPROVAL”

They’ll be the first thing I buy when I move in to my next place, too.

-e-

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