The Glory of Girth

I suppose that it would be important for me to mention that I grow a pretty giant freakin’ beard.  I mean seriously.   I was once told that my beard might be able to choke a lion.  That’s not meant to be boastful, it’s just that I’m an intensely hairy dude.  There are very few positive aspects to being hairy, so my Yeard adventure is intended to make the best of a bad situation.  One day I’ll have do a post about the advantages of hirsute-dness.  At the moment warmth is the only thing that comes to mind.

So far, my beard is only marginally bigger than the beard I normally wear.  It is not yet comment-worthy.  As in, so far, no one who is unaware of my plan has felt the need to say anything like, “dude, check out your beard!”.  Judging from past experience, New Year’s is a safe bet as to when it will reach that point.  But let me just say that my normal beard is less robust than this.  I usually sculpt my facial hair.  Ordinarily, I shave along my jaw line so that my neck is sans beard.  I also shave under my eyes to create a pleasantly clean line along my cheeks.  But for this experiment, I am allowing the hair free reign.  So I have what the boys at whiskerino call a neck beard.

The neck beard is perhaps the most insidious of beards.  it makes it look like I lack a jaw (which i do) and like my neck hair might eventually join with my chest hair to create one solid mat of hair running from my eyebrows all the way to my waist (which it might).  If I reach that point, I’m afraid I may have to get some electrolosis or run the risk that my beard, like Lex Luthor, will attempt to destroy all of Metropolis.

On a day to day basis I am a big fan of my beard’s girth.  It marks me as a man.  I can’t fix things.  I don’t know anything about cars.  Aside from being punched really hard in a bar once, I’ve never been in a fight.  I need something to demonstrate my manliness, and I feel that the beard does this admirably.  Check back in about five months to see if I still feel that way.

-E-

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1 Comment

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One response to “The Glory of Girth

  1. Patrick grew a throat beard in three weeks for his bike adventure, so I admire you for embarking on this venture for a year. Hoping I get to see you in person at some point!

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